43 Ideas to Reuse Dead Malls- Part 1

Less than six weeks ago, I took my mom to a doctor's appointment in Highpoint, North Carolina, about 15 miles from where we live.  Since I knew it would be a long appointment, I went to a local McDonald's to get a drink and do some writing.  I didn't have any ideas at the time, so I sat there looking out the window at Oak Hollow Mall.  In the 8 years I've lived in North Carolina, I'd only been to the mall two or three times.  Something seemed to call to me that day, so I went to see what it was like.  The last time I'd been to it, years ago, about a third of the shops were empty.

I wound up walking through Oak Hollow Mall about ten days before it closed.  There were only a handful of shops open.  About a dozen elderly mall walkers were doing their laps.  Everything was clean and in good condition, like you can see in this video Dan Bell shot just over a week later.  This is what got me looking into the dead mall issue.

I soon found out that over 3,500 retail stores in the U.S. have closed in the last couple years, or will close in 2017.  That will probably cause thousands more smaller stores to close later on.  As many as 400 of the 1,200 enclosed shopping malls in the U.S. have either closed, or are expected to in the next five years.  Several hundred more malls are struggling as well.  That's a lot of empty space under roof.  So I did a little brainstorming to come up with ideas to use these empty malls, stores, and other abandoned buildings. Enjoy.

Here's the start of my list of 43 ideas to reuse dead malls.

#1 Man caves in the malls still left.  No beer needed, because the guys have to drive home.  Next to all those overpriced boutique stores where women still shop, build a man cave in an empty store.  All you need is some comfy couches, a few recliners, and big TV's in every direction tuned to sports channels.  Add a few snack machines, and the men have a place to hang out while their wives and girlfriends shop.

#2 Adult Big Wheel Drifitng Course.  I'd go to malls if they had a place to do this:



#3 Gynecologist's office and tattoo/piercing shop.  Since you women have to get into an uncomfortable position to get your ladyparts checked, why not got a tattoo or piercing while you're at it.  We'll even have them warm up the duck lips, since every woman seems to complain about that.

#4 Vape shop that offers sex change operations.  I don't really need to explain that, do I?

#5 Huge indoor skatepark.  Van's made this happen at The Block at Orange Mall 20 years ago in Orange, California.  Here's what it's like on a big day with old school legend Chris Miller skating.

You can get signed and numbered copy of my zine, 43 Ideas to Reuse Dead Malls, for $6, postage paid in the continental U.S.

43 Way to Reuse Dead Malls- Part 2

Two or three months ago, I saw an episode of Abandoned on VICEland TV, where skater Rick McCrank took a tour through the abandoned Rolling Acres Mall in Akron, Ohio.  When I looked it up, I realized that this mall was built about five miles from where I was born.  This is one of the many malls I spent time in as a kid.  That show is what first piqued my interest in dead malls.  It was recently demolished.

Here's more of my list of 43 Ideas to reuse dead malls.

#6 Micro Apartments for homeless people.  The apartments are tiny, like the place Bruce Willis had in the movie The Fifth Element.  They rent for about $150- $200 a month, and each one has a bed, a shower, a small closet, and a fridge just big enough to hold a 40.

#7 Wifi Lounge.  It has comfy chairs, tables, electrical outlets everywhere, open areas for hanging out with friends and more secluded spots for working.  Like Starbuck's, but without the $8 coffees.

#8 Pop-Up Restaurant spots at the food court.  You know that idea you have to serve grilled emu and mushroom sandwiches?  Here's a place to test it out before you invest in buying a food truck.

#9 Vintage Shops that sell real old people.  Seriously, there are way too many elderly people in the world.  We all know of one or two we'd like to sell.  Here's a place to find them a good home. 

#10 Indoor Mountain Bike Park.  Have you ever heard of Ray's MTB in Cleveland?  This is an AWESOME idea.  The world needs lots more of these places.  Check this out.

#11 Self Serve Funeral Parlor.  Did you know standard funerals can run $10,000 or more?  Even cremations will run you $2-3,000.  I say we need a do-it-yourself funeral parlor to save money.  Toast some marshmallows and make s'mores while you cremate granny and save money.  Let's put the "fun" back in funeral.

#12 MMA Octagon where politicians fight each other while running for office.  Make 'em earn that cushy job.  If we would have had one of these in November, Hillary would be president.

#13 Boy Band Shooting Gallery.  Real boy bands, live ammunition.  They perform.  You shoot.  Society wins.

You can get a signed and numbered copy of my handmade zine,  43 Ideas to Reuse Dead Malls and Abandoned Buildings, for $6, postage paid in the continental U.S.